Then I recall that last year, I saved an issue of Chicago magazine: "Chicago's Top Doctors." I'm wise like Yoda. Wise and organized, yo. I find the magazine right quick. I go to the page of gastroenterologists. Ah, two from Northwestern. I plug in their names. Only one's in my network. I call him. I'm thisclose, people. Alas, it turns out I need to be referred to him. By another doctor. Just like that, I'm out of Northwestern doctors.

So, hmm, back to the Top Docs list. Masonic's a good hospital, right? I think my sister worked there. It has to be good. And the doctor's name sounds solid: Frank Konicek. Let's check on Konicek. Ooh! He's in my network. I call.

Now, I can think of a lot of things I'd rather not hear the receptionist say to me. The following is very high on my list:

"You can pretty much pick your time next week. Oh, and we're in the strip mall, right next to BoRics!"

con't